ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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