She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
