i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
