We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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