I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
