Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
