She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
