We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
