My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
