paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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