I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
