Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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