Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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