he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I look better un-naked...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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