Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
