Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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