I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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