Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
