I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
