yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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