I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
