If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
