i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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