evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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