So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
