Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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