you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
