i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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