I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
