He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
