Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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