I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
