things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
