you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
