Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
