Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
