Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
