a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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