he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
