I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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