you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
