you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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