I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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