I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
