I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
