TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
