I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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