If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How external is "for external use only"?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
