eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
