Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
