why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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