Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
