oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
